Vincent’s Rules for Survival

A sarcastic guide to living life as a half-demon in a world full of annoying humans.

So, you’ve somehow managed to survive in this miserable world full of judgmental assholes, clueless normies, and brain-dead sheep. Congrats. But let me make one thing clear: existence is war—and if you want to make it out alive, you better play by my rules.

Welcome to Vincent’s Rules for Survival, a guide for those of us who are too powerful, too fucked up, or too different to ever fit into this trash heap of a society. Follow these rules, and you might just make it. Ignore them, and, well… don’t come crying to me when your weak little world crumbles.

People will talk. They’ll stare. They’ll whisper behind your back like you don’t notice. Fuck ‘em. Their opinions mean jack shit. If some idiot thinks they have the right to comment on your looks, your powers, or how your breath smells like a damn gas leak, just do what I do—exhale a little flame and watch them shit themselves. Works every time.

People respect power. And what’s more powerful than fear? You want control? Make sure they know what you could do to them. A little telekinetic shove here, a fiery little demonstration there—remind them that you’re not to be fucked with. The more they fear you, the less they’ll try to walk all over you.

Let’s be real—school is just a government babysitting program for weaklings. But that doesn’t mean it has to be boring. Need some entertainment? Levitate the teacher’s desk while they’re sitting at it. Heat up the principal’s chair just before he sits down. Scare the shit out of preppy kids by snapping your fingers and growing three feet taller right in front of them. The possibilities are endless.

Most families are just a collection of people forced to tolerate each other out of obligation. Mine is no different. My stepdad? Useless waste of space. My half-sister? Would love to fling her across the room with my mind. But my mother? …She’s complicated. She calms me down when I lose control, and I hate how much I need that. So yeah, families suck—but sometimes, you don’t have a choice but to let them in.

Rule #5: If you’re gonna be a monster, own it.

Look, if you’re a freak, a demon, an outcast—whatever the hell you are—own that shit. People want you to be ashamed? Too bad. They want you to act normal? Fuck that. The world doesn’t deserve your submission. If they’re going to call you a monster, be the biggest, baddest, most terrifying one they’ve ever seen.

Feeling pissed? Fire. Bored? Fire. Need to make a point? Fire. There is no problem in life that can’t be temporarily improved by a little arson. Just, y’know, be smart about it. Don’t burn your own shit. Burn theirs.

Why do your eyes glow like that? Why’s your tongue that color? What’s with your teeth? Blah, blah, blah. People love to ask dumbass questions, expecting you to entertain their curiosity. You don’t owe them shit. If someone asks something stupid, hit them with a “Fuck around and find out” and move on.

Revenge isn’t just an option—it’s a fucking art form. If someone screws you over, don’t just let it slide. Make them pay. Public humiliation? Psychological torment? A little “accidental” telekinetic trip in the hallway? You’ve got options. Be creative.

Rule #9: No such thing as too much power.

Humans fear power because they don’t have any. They love to preach about “moderation” and “self-control” because they’re afraid of what happens when someone strong decides to stop playing by their rules. Don’t listen to them. Power is everything. Get stronger. Get more. Never settle.

People don’t respect what they don’t understand. They mock, they ridicule, they fear—but fear isn’t enough. One day, the weak little insects who sneer at you now will be kneeling in front of you, begging for mercy. And when that day comes? Decide if they’re worth sparing… or if they’re better off as ash.

Follow these rules, and you might just survive in this pathetic excuse of a world. Ignore them? Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Emperor Vincent, The Morningstar